MARITAL BLISS

There are numerous articles, radio, and television programs dedicated to the social interaction between men and women.  From the sensationalism of Jerry Springer to the emotionally tear filled Oprah vignettes. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"and other books expound the differences between the "Nester" gene of women and the "Hunter/Gather" gene in men.  Most of the authors are psychiatrist, psychologists, or self-proclaimed media experts in this field.

I intend, with this article, to express my opinion and thoughts on how to maintain a successful long term relationship, whether it be marital or cohabitation.  As for my qualifications, it was on the job training and extensive personal research; under the tutelage and example of those great marital scholars, Mickey Rooney, Elizabeth Taylor, and Hugh Hefner.  There's three aces for you. Want a full house?   Add any two of the Gabor sisters.

Having researched the marriage phenomenon three times, I am proud to say my "current" experiment has lasted over 26 years. Eureka, I have discovered the secret to a lasting relationship.
Is it "truth and disclosure"?  Two way communications with the others needs in mind?  Is it the agape love between two individuals or the loving act of compromise?

NOPE!!!!

The secret to multiple years of happiness and a less stressful relationship is:  Separate Toilets.
There is nothing that can be more beneficial and better help alleviate the "stench" of divorce proceedings than Privy Privacy.  Every year I put on my Christmas list:  "All I want is ten uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom." 

For some reason, every time I enter the bathroom,God, with his sense of humor, always makes the phone ring.  My wife, for some inexplicable reason,each time I close the bathroom door, in our modest abode, suddenly imagines I have been kidnapped by gypsies or pirates.  She immediately starts yelling and scouring the house for my location.  "Arthur, where are you?"  is the cry of the bewildered female of the species. There are only so many rooms in our house.  It should not take Sherlock Holmes to deduce my whereabouts.

After reassuring her that I not in mortal danger, she always asks the second and more mind boggling question.  "What are you doing"    I have terminal whiplash from shaking my head each time I hear this question.  My answers have been everything from: knitting a sweater, writing my will, to rotating my shoe trees. I find very limited options of activities in the toilet.  Do you women know something we men are missing?

So take the advice of a three time researcher. 

For marital bliss:  Exercise Privy Privacy and lock the door.