HOO RAH.. Within forty-eight hours of forming my "Exploratory Committee", Governors Barbour has confirmed and Huckabee is rumored to have dropped out of the race.
To alleviate the anxiety of the GOP, I will run my campaign strictly through the neutral party, which is
predicated on "Common Sense" and not the "Bubba network of Political compromise and correctness".
Our party: The Stag Party will not be concerned with pleasing everyone to insure re-election. I feel one term, if improperly handled and with the transparency of a midnight on a moonless night, will be enough to take care of all loyal Stags for the rest of their lives.
Will we?
Cure the economy with more jobs - Veterans, Senior Citizens (now known as "Seasoned Citizens) and Entrepreneurs of all ages, races, and religions will get be welcomed not chastised.
End the wars overseas (in the future we will "contract security" ) - John Gotti's name is in consideration for Secretary of Defense. A Presidential pardon might be necessary.
Drill Baby Drill - will be our most earnest policy - We already have the support of the American Dental Association
Will we accomplish these and other burning issues: SURE, WHY NOT!!!!) Quote: Pat Paulsen, 1968.
The Committee is growing with unpaid volunteers, who have firm expectations in my integrity to appoint them to high paying cushy government positions.
Well it is Happy Hour in London. Time for me to return to the campaign trail, a tough job, but someone has to do it.
"Make mine Scotch"
A VOTE FOR CANTRELL IS A VOTE.
ABSOLUTELY NOT ENDORSED BY THE AARP, NPR, ABC. CBS, NBC, PDQ, RSVP
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Homeland Security
General Patraeus should be the new director of Homeland Security; instead of the CIA.
Our border needs a "warrior" to insure it is secure.
Our border needs a "warrior" to insure it is secure.
CANTRELL FOR PRESIDENT
I am announcing today the formation of an"Exploratory Presidential Committee" concerning my possible entry into the 2012 Presidential election. After all the numerous committees being formed by "maybe"
candidates; such as Trump, Paul, Huckabee, Palin, and Bachman, and after consuming several "Martinis", I became convinced it was my duty to throw my Stetson in the ring. Unfortunately,
the ring was my spa and chlorine and beaver hats are not compatible.
Here are some reasons, I feel I would be a good "Maybe" candidate for this great office:
1. I have absolutely no political experience
2. I never attended Harvard or any Ivy League school
3. I am not rich - I know how it is to budget/ paycheck to paycheck
4. I believe as Jackie Gleason did: "If you feel money is the root of all evil; you don't know where to shop." "The Entrepreneurs shall rise again."
5. I believe all men are created equal; as did the great equalizer: Samuel Colt
6. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the proper reply or vote on most spending bills in Congress is: "Bullshit!"
7. People outside Nevada should not have to pay for Cowboy Poets, and we people outside DC
need not pay for Cherry Blossom parades.
I also feel this is necessary to honor those great men in the past that have had to courage to run for President, I am, of course speaking of W. C. Fields, 1935 and Pat Paulsen, 1968. I especially enjoyed Mr. Fields' campaign soliloquy: "How not to pay Federal Income Tax and what to do and see while at Alcatraz." Quite inspiring.
Attached is just a sampling of Pat Paulsen's "almost to the point" campaign:
DONATIONS TO THE CANTRELL FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN WILL BE GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED IN MOST VARIETIES OF LIQUID ASSETS. -
candidates; such as Trump, Paul, Huckabee, Palin, and Bachman, and after consuming several "Martinis", I became convinced it was my duty to throw my Stetson in the ring. Unfortunately,
the ring was my spa and chlorine and beaver hats are not compatible.
Here are some reasons, I feel I would be a good "Maybe" candidate for this great office:
1. I have absolutely no political experience
2. I never attended Harvard or any Ivy League school
3. I am not rich - I know how it is to budget/ paycheck to paycheck
4. I believe as Jackie Gleason did: "If you feel money is the root of all evil; you don't know where to shop." "The Entrepreneurs shall rise again."
5. I believe all men are created equal; as did the great equalizer: Samuel Colt
6. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the proper reply or vote on most spending bills in Congress is: "Bullshit!"
7. People outside Nevada should not have to pay for Cowboy Poets, and we people outside DC
need not pay for Cherry Blossom parades.
I also feel this is necessary to honor those great men in the past that have had to courage to run for President, I am, of course speaking of W. C. Fields, 1935 and Pat Paulsen, 1968. I especially enjoyed Mr. Fields' campaign soliloquy: "How not to pay Federal Income Tax and what to do and see while at Alcatraz." Quite inspiring.
Attached is just a sampling of Pat Paulsen's "almost to the point" campaign:
In closing, to paraphrase Groucho Marx: "I would never live in a country that would have me as its President"
"Hail to the Chef "- no really, I am hungry
DONATIONS TO THE CANTRELL FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN WILL BE GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED IN MOST VARIETIES OF LIQUID ASSETS. -
Friday, April 22, 2011
Coitus Interruptus: The Revenge of Rocky
An old adage states: "In the Spring a man's heart turns to Love". Mother Nature or her Cupid
injects this hormonal arrow in her animal kingdom friends, as well.
As I sat at my computer writing articles, blogs, twits, and occasionally doing some real work, I could see through large windows the backyard pool area. Across the pool my English wife's garden is ablaze with more colors than an LSD trip. A large Chinese Persimmon tree guards and shades all these flowers from as much wind and damage as possible. An eight foot cedar fence surrounds the entire scene and provides the necessary privacy for "adult" swimming and Margarita sipping during warm Happy Hours.
This Persimmon tree, during the fall and early winter, feeds the entire neighborhood's birds and squirrels.
As the leaves fall, the pungent fruit turns from orange to black. The riper/ranker the fruit the better the cuisine for the squirrels and birds to battle over. It also makes one hell of a mess around the pool and stains the driveway.
In the spring this tree, full of leaves, and overhanging the fence, is the favorite runway and resort for Rocky the Squirrel and his associates. A mammal Disney World, right here in Dallas, Texas.
This spring afternoon, as I stared out the wind attempting to locate my muse in the clouds (daydreaming), I saw Rocky and another squirrel chattering to each other and then running into each others arms.
I swear I could hear an imaginary orchestra playing a surging violin theme as the little lovers ran in slow motion toward each other (obviously, they had been watching too many sugary Julie Andrews movies). Their romantic interlude turned into violent lust and carnal activities. I was transfixed.
Rocky's eyes met mine. In a defiant gesture, he raised his paw and presented me with a specific rodent finger. Properly chastised, I turned my eyes out of respect and disgust. Then the unthinkable happened.
Our old fat cat Raffles ran around the pool and hissed at the lovers on the fence. The mood was gone and so was Rocky and his quickie partner. I laughed loud enough to be heard outside. After all, Raffles the cat was so slow, she couldn't catch a cold. If she had a credit card, she would be the ACME company's best customer since Wylie Coyote. She could not hit the top of the fence with a cannon or trampoline.
Rodent porn and kitty coitus interruptus, what an interesting, yet bizarre way to spend a spring afternoon. Little did I know that Act 3 was about to begin and that I would play an integral
role in "Rocky's Revenge".
My peaceful interlude was shortlived. The silence was broken by Raffle's (the Rambo of cats) howl as if preparing for a fight. I looked up to see the Persimmon tree shaking, limbs bobbing up and down, leaves pelting the pool. Curiosity, which can kill a cat, but is seldom fatal for an elder father of two daughters, overcame me. Totally unarmed, I went to the deck through the patio door to investigate.
Raffles passed me going out the door at a speed that should have broken the sound barrier. Seeing me, she attempted to stop, but did several 360 degrees slides on the tile before hitting the sofa. Regaining her composure she positioned herself between my feet.
The tree stopped moving. Rocky leapt from a top limb onto the top of the fence. His body language, eyes, and barking chatter made his position clear. This was a vermine with a vendetta. If I could have translated his "barking", I sure it would have made a Marine Drill Instructor blush. Raffles and I had spoiled his afternoon delight and he was ready to fight. It was "showdown" time.
Raffles was now pushing me forward from behind. I had my orders and bravely clapped my hands and yelled: "Git" It took two thunderous claps and my deepest sternest "Gits" before Rocky jumped off the fence and ran down the alley. I considered pounding my chest and letting out a Tarzan yell of triumph. After all, do you know how much courage and fortitude it takes for a 200lb unarmed man to back down a angry 2 lb squirrel.
Raffles now strolled easily in front of me. Looking back over her shoulder, she gave me the official cat look of dismissal and distain. She had finished with me and no longer needed my company.
Adrenaline pumping through my veins after this duel of wills, I decided to stay outside and clean the Kreepy Krawly (pool sweep) filter basket. It was totally full of leaves and impeding the KK from working efficiently.
I got on my hands and knees and began pulling the hoses and basket toward me. Raffles curiousity made her approach to see what I was doing. She immediately lost interest after spotting a "catnip"
plant about two feet behind me. Euphoria, Raffles getting high on catnip, and I, on all fours was leaning in the pool.
I never heard the attack. It was a blitzkreig. Rocky now a flying squirrel landed screaming like a banchee on Raffles back. Raffles in total panic leapt several feet in the air landing on my head.
I leapt.
Time and space stopped. Raffles and I, in mid air, looked at each other, then we looked down. No ground, just water. The water was cold. The panic was immediate. I wondered why I was not swimming easily to the surface; then I realized Raffles had impaled herself on my back. We surfaced and I struggled to get both of us to the side where we could hold on. Cold, shaking, and out of breath, we looked up to see Rocky; standing triumphantly dry and nodding his head in a cocky fashion.
Slowly, Rocky turned and strutted away.
I swear the little "son of bitch" was smiling.
injects this hormonal arrow in her animal kingdom friends, as well.
As I sat at my computer writing articles, blogs, twits, and occasionally doing some real work, I could see through large windows the backyard pool area. Across the pool my English wife's garden is ablaze with more colors than an LSD trip. A large Chinese Persimmon tree guards and shades all these flowers from as much wind and damage as possible. An eight foot cedar fence surrounds the entire scene and provides the necessary privacy for "adult" swimming and Margarita sipping during warm Happy Hours.
This Persimmon tree, during the fall and early winter, feeds the entire neighborhood's birds and squirrels.
As the leaves fall, the pungent fruit turns from orange to black. The riper/ranker the fruit the better the cuisine for the squirrels and birds to battle over. It also makes one hell of a mess around the pool and stains the driveway.
In the spring this tree, full of leaves, and overhanging the fence, is the favorite runway and resort for Rocky the Squirrel and his associates. A mammal Disney World, right here in Dallas, Texas.
This spring afternoon, as I stared out the wind attempting to locate my muse in the clouds (daydreaming), I saw Rocky and another squirrel chattering to each other and then running into each others arms.
I swear I could hear an imaginary orchestra playing a surging violin theme as the little lovers ran in slow motion toward each other (obviously, they had been watching too many sugary Julie Andrews movies). Their romantic interlude turned into violent lust and carnal activities. I was transfixed.
Rocky's eyes met mine. In a defiant gesture, he raised his paw and presented me with a specific rodent finger. Properly chastised, I turned my eyes out of respect and disgust. Then the unthinkable happened.
Our old fat cat Raffles ran around the pool and hissed at the lovers on the fence. The mood was gone and so was Rocky and his quickie partner. I laughed loud enough to be heard outside. After all, Raffles the cat was so slow, she couldn't catch a cold. If she had a credit card, she would be the ACME company's best customer since Wylie Coyote. She could not hit the top of the fence with a cannon or trampoline.
Rodent porn and kitty coitus interruptus, what an interesting, yet bizarre way to spend a spring afternoon. Little did I know that Act 3 was about to begin and that I would play an integral
role in "Rocky's Revenge".
My peaceful interlude was shortlived. The silence was broken by Raffle's (the Rambo of cats) howl as if preparing for a fight. I looked up to see the Persimmon tree shaking, limbs bobbing up and down, leaves pelting the pool. Curiosity, which can kill a cat, but is seldom fatal for an elder father of two daughters, overcame me. Totally unarmed, I went to the deck through the patio door to investigate.
Raffles passed me going out the door at a speed that should have broken the sound barrier. Seeing me, she attempted to stop, but did several 360 degrees slides on the tile before hitting the sofa. Regaining her composure she positioned herself between my feet.
The tree stopped moving. Rocky leapt from a top limb onto the top of the fence. His body language, eyes, and barking chatter made his position clear. This was a vermine with a vendetta. If I could have translated his "barking", I sure it would have made a Marine Drill Instructor blush. Raffles and I had spoiled his afternoon delight and he was ready to fight. It was "showdown" time.
Raffles was now pushing me forward from behind. I had my orders and bravely clapped my hands and yelled: "Git" It took two thunderous claps and my deepest sternest "Gits" before Rocky jumped off the fence and ran down the alley. I considered pounding my chest and letting out a Tarzan yell of triumph. After all, do you know how much courage and fortitude it takes for a 200lb unarmed man to back down a angry 2 lb squirrel.
Raffles now strolled easily in front of me. Looking back over her shoulder, she gave me the official cat look of dismissal and distain. She had finished with me and no longer needed my company.
Adrenaline pumping through my veins after this duel of wills, I decided to stay outside and clean the Kreepy Krawly (pool sweep) filter basket. It was totally full of leaves and impeding the KK from working efficiently.
I got on my hands and knees and began pulling the hoses and basket toward me. Raffles curiousity made her approach to see what I was doing. She immediately lost interest after spotting a "catnip"
plant about two feet behind me. Euphoria, Raffles getting high on catnip, and I, on all fours was leaning in the pool.
I never heard the attack. It was a blitzkreig. Rocky now a flying squirrel landed screaming like a banchee on Raffles back. Raffles in total panic leapt several feet in the air landing on my head.
I leapt.
Time and space stopped. Raffles and I, in mid air, looked at each other, then we looked down. No ground, just water. The water was cold. The panic was immediate. I wondered why I was not swimming easily to the surface; then I realized Raffles had impaled herself on my back. We surfaced and I struggled to get both of us to the side where we could hold on. Cold, shaking, and out of breath, we looked up to see Rocky; standing triumphantly dry and nodding his head in a cocky fashion.
Slowly, Rocky turned and strutted away.
I swear the little "son of bitch" was smiling.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Divorce from Reality
Arizona Sheriff Bebeu has coined a great new "buzz phrase" "Divorced from Reality"
Wow!!!! This can apply to Congressional decisions and debates, most Federal regulatory agencies,
the Administration, and our foreign policy.
It also seems to be appropriate whenever I have romantic urgings at home.
Thomas Jefferson said: "The government governs best when it governs least."
Perhaps the boys and girls in DC should stay after school and write this one thousand times on the blackboard.
Wow!!!! This can apply to Congressional decisions and debates, most Federal regulatory agencies,
the Administration, and our foreign policy.
It also seems to be appropriate whenever I have romantic urgings at home.
Thomas Jefferson said: "The government governs best when it governs least."
Perhaps the boys and girls in DC should stay after school and write this one thousand times on the blackboard.
Ramblings on Thursday
Great offers from Cancun/Cabo Hotels - you get a free bottle of champagne and a complimentary bulletproof vest cigrp.com
My wife must be Cajun - everything she cooks is blackened
I guess when Obama quotes Jefferson, he must mean George not Thomas
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